Firsts

For the first time in the three and a half years of being a Mother I felt utterly helpless. Today I watched Rylee's fever go up to 100*, her cough worsen, and her refuse her favorite foods and drinks. I saw Haylee - the one who was showing signs of getting better - take a turn for the worse by 5pm.

I burned infusers. I rubbed their chests with Vicks. I laid out their favorite drinks. I turned on the humidifier. I put them in loose blankets/sheets. I have put them in "methol" baths. In tempered baths. I rubbed. I soothed. I stroked. And still they have gone to bed worse than this morning.

This has been five days of coughing. This has been five days of slight fevers. This has been five days of slowly watching my Rylee - and now my Haylee - get worse. Why didn't I take them to the dr, you ask? Because I spoke to him yesterday morning on the phone - while Haylee was still doing better. He put them on a better expertorant and said to continue with the humidifiers, baths, vicks, etc.

So I did. And today I spent my day waiting and watching and praying and hoping.

No, I don't put my faith in medicine. But I have to believe that God has put it here for a reason. And the the doctor recommended it because he knew/thought it would work. So I waited. And watched. And sat on my hands. And held the bowl underneath their chins as they vomited from coughing too much.

I feel utterly and entirely helpless.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will be refreshed and stronger for both of them. And the doctors office will be open.