I feel like laughing!

Hormones are a crazy thing... they can make us moody, happy, sad, irritable, and a whole lot more! But when they are unbalanced they can me us depressed, put us in menopause, or just really mess up our bodies!


Some say that depression is a state of mind and that drugs are just placebos to make the person feel like they can do something about it. Others believe that it is a chemical imbalance in the brain in which the nerves stop talking to one another. They believe that cannot be controlled, it just happens, and that sometimes drugs are needed to help correct it. And a small few believe it is sin, brought on by something that we didn't repent for.

Depression isn't always what you see on TV. People sitting somberly in a dark room, not wanting to get out of bed, crying all the time, etc... it is also not eating like you used to, not enjoying the things you used (reading a book, watching your children play, Christmas, etc.), attempting to do something, but then losing the motivation to complete it, feeling nothing, not caring and then feeling guilty about not caring or not doing the things you think you should be doing. Depression also causes insomnia - something I have been struggling with for weeks! BUT not necessarily the things on TV. Those are the extreme.

The worst part about depression is that you know something is wrong, but you just don't care, nor do you have the will change it. This week, I was forced to the doctor by my family ... and I am glad that I was. I found out that I am depressed, not crazy :), and that it was OK. I still struggle with the feeling of freakishness because of the stigmata aligned with depression, BUT I am also starting to realize it wasn't something that I could control.

The doctor explained to me that sometimes a depression episode, which I am in/have, is brought on by stress or events in our lives, but that no one can be certain. She informed me that even though I had been trying herbal remedies (St. John's Wart) they work for lesser imbalances (stress induced anxiety, etc) and that is why it hasn't been working. She also explained that it wasn't something I could of prevented... it just sometimes happens, and that it doesn't mean that I "don't feel" things all the time. Her saying that made me feel better. For I have had fleeting moments of joy, and excitement, but nothing like I used to. I laugh with my daughters, I was excited when Sean gave me an early Christmas gift, all true emotions, but then after a few moments they were gone, and I just didn't care anymore... I felt nothing.

Today is the second day on my new meds and I feel like laughing!